Out

When you look through broken glass

Everything appears shattered

And your world is broken

Too many pieces to even count,

Let alone put it all back together.

Sometimes it's easier to let everything remain tattered and cry about it

It's not as if you can fix life

But when you take the easy way out,

Out is where you stay. 

How am I supposed to love you

When I have this much anger toward you?

How am I supposed to smile when I look at you

When all you do is disgust me?

How am I supposed to dream about you

When you hurt me so badly?


How am I supposed to love you--


When I hate you? 

It Hurts To Say Goodbye

Your smiles are my smiles
Your tears are my tears
Your broken heart is my broken soul
And it hurts to say goodbye

I need you in my life
But lately you're so far
We keep each other centered
And it hurts to say goodbye

For a fleeting moment you came back
You opened up the door
But then you fled, oh you fled
And it hurts to say goodbye

I don't know what to tell you
I can't respond to your cries
And when we rarely say hello
It hurts to say goodbye.

Painting

You keep me awake at night

My love

And you're not even here

My thoughts are invaded

By pictures

Memories 

Fantasies

Of you

In my head I create a picture

But it'll never be complete until you help me paint it 

I'm not going anywhere

Of all your problems you have had

And all that are to come

When everything goes wrong

When there seems to be no one close to you

Just know that time is only time

Distances are only distances

But love isn't only love


It's a good kind of control

You know I'm here, right?

Because no matter where I go

I'm not going anywhere.  

Be my angel

Tell me what I want to hear
Not what needs to said
Share with me your confidence
For I, I lack thereof
Be with me when I need you here
And I will always come running to you
It's so easy to let things slip through the cracks
Unless you're here
Be my angel
Stand in the caressing darkness
That I find so comforting

Never be mine

The hardest thing

For me to realize

Is that I'm not the only one

No matter how special you are to me

Or how I think I am to you

There will always be others

And you'll never just be mine 

You're not talking to the world...

Well you're not talking to the world

You're talking to me

Even though I could easily be your world

I care how you feel

What you think

What you have to say

Because I care about you

And all that comes with





~Why doesn't he see it? 

Dangling over an open fire

The one thing I promised you
Is the one thing I denied you
I left you dangling
Over an open fire
Hanging by a single rope
Without giving the one I love a second thought
And I'll never live it down
The fact that you needed me
And I wasn't there
Will continue to rip me apart
Forever and all eternity

Souls are nonrefundable

Each time we're together

My soul is whole

And each time you leave me

You take more of it away

Always going with a bigger and bigger piece

Of what keeps me alive

Souls are nonrefundable

Killing me...

And so I think maybe loving you was a mistake

A mistake that can't be undone

Because now I'm trapped

Trapped in this angst

This jealousy

This fear

This question

Of whether or not I EVER cross your mind

Of how much you love me

If you love me at all

You have this crazy way of mixing up all my emotions

Into a deadly concoction

That will end up killing me

Do you enjoy killing me?
 

Done

I'm nobody's fool
Nobody's bitch
So you can go fuck yourself
And fall in a ditch
I'm through with your games
Done with being nice, too
But what is more
Is that I'm done with you

Always and forever burned: An interior monologue

I reached out my hand, reluctantly. I knew it was scorching hot, but I thought maybe this ONE time would be different. Maybe the stove wouldn't hurt me. THIS time would be perfect; it would feel nice. So with every second, my hand moved an inch closer. But when I touched it, it
 was hot. I didn't care: I would adjust. It would cool down. But I was forced to jerk my hand away because it DIDN'T cool down. Stoves were always going to be hot. I don't know why I thought it was going to be different this time.
              I'd always
                      Get
                            Burned.  

If only

I see the flame
Dancing under my wet hand
Threatening to go out
But also threatening to burn me
If only I could touch it
Just once
To see what it would do
If only
I wasn't
Scared

Setting my world on fire

Everything about you
Sets my world on fire
It's so beautiful
But even the slightest movement
In the wrong direction
And everything
Comes burning
Down

Lost

Lost in a sea of emotions
I will show you how it spreads like fire
How it can feel as good as rain on your anticipating face
Or blow you into a tradgedy

In this cycle is love and pain
Trust and resentment
Anger and happiness
But I can't seem to learn.

Where do you go when you're lost?
Where do you turn when there seems to be nowhere?
Do you know where I go, Darling?
I always come crawling back to you. 

Happy Birthday to me!

Hello, everyone.

This is my first ever... BIRTHDAY POST! I'm 15 now! (Well, at 7:03, p.m., that is.) I have a new relationship with a very sweet, flattering guy, and it seems like everything is suddenly perfect. I'm letting go of things that were important to me before, but now just seem silly. You know what that's called? Growing up. It's an essential thing to do it you ever want to get anywhere in life. This was a relatively short post, but thank you for reading. This is an original poem that goes along with the theme of today's post:

I held two rocks in my hand
There was no competition
Both were beautiful
But this one in particular
Stood out more
Fit in my hand perfectly
Felt smoother
So I took the other one
And threw it in the fire, and I whispered:

"How does it feel when it's you?" 

Things worth living for

Good afternoon, everyone.
I don't know where you all live, but for me, today was the most random day in the world. It actually RAINED! And hailed! During the summer in Glendale, Arizona, that's a rarity. A precious rarity. And lately I've been so exhausted and slammed with homework and just plain STRESSED, so this was a little reminder on why we keep going for me. It's different for everyone. We all have little things in our life-- or maybe even people-- that make our lives worth living.
I was in dance class when it started raining. It kept getting heavier and lighter and heavier and lighter as the time went by, and the whole time all I wanted was to be outside. And we even opened the door, and I was so shocked to see hailstones! It was miraculous. Then, after dance, and on the way to advanced language arts, it was raining really hard! I just took my time, threw my head back, and laughed. I smiled at the quintessence of it all and how it cleansed me. This is what it's all about.

So now I'll kick off this post with a poem I wrote, and then a question for you all to answer:

A beautiful surprise
Presents itself
To me
Along with my favorite smell
And then with each second
It fades
Going
Going
Gone
Only the memory
Remains


So? What about you? What/ who makes your life worth living? Whether it's rare that you see it/ them or not. What makes YOU forget all YOUR problems?

Where it hurts the most

I'm shaking for no reason

I feel tortured when nothing's happening to me

Atleast on the outside

I'm anxious, though nothing's coming

Atleast on the outside

I'm just waiting for yet another blow

On the inside

Where it hurts the most

To lose a friend

To lose a friend

Is to have a vital part of you removed

To lose a friend

Is to have your heart torn away

To lose a friend

Is to have your legs pulled out from right underneath you

You thought you would have more control over these things, right?

But when you lose a friend

You never saw it coming

So to lose a friend

Is nothing like these things

Something I've been feeling

Hello to my wonderful readers! I feel like I have more of a purpose on this site now that I have a couple more followers than I did before. And that delights me more than anything. :-) I just really wanted to let out something I've been feeling for the past couple weeks. There's this girl in my French class, and she's a total bitch. But the thing is, is that then she acts like nothing's wrong, so she just says whatever mean thing she's thinking (at anyone's expense!) and then goes up and talks to them later on! I don't know about you, but I HATE that. So I wrote this piece that I am REALLY HOPING I can say to her someday soon!

What are you hoping to accomplish? You blurt out SO many hurtful comments to people. NICE PEOPLE who don't do anything to deserve it. And no one's doing anyone any favors by letting it slide, so I'm DONE. When you make a derragatory comment directly to someone regarding their clothes, facial features, WHATEVER, does it make you look good? Does it boost YOUR self esteem? Because I can assure you-- to everyone else, it only makes you a FUCKING BITCH. Especially when you tell someone like Nicole, for example, that she has a big forehead! Not that that's even true in the LEAST-- SHE'S BEAUTIFUL-- but let's just say for argument's sake that she did; she can't change it! So that only makes what you said even more hurtful and even MORE of an insecurity. You know what that does to someone? Don't tell me it's honesty because no one ASKED you. Don't tell me it's tough love because there's no LOVE behind ANYTHING you say.

Don't bother sitting with us at lunch anymore. You aren't welcome.

Now my question for you. What's your pet peeve? What would YOU say to someone who bothers you if given the chance?

Waterfalls

When you look at a waterfall

All you see is the beauty

You never see the continuous rushing water as tears

Never ending tears

You never stop and think that it's a painful process, keeping that cycle going on and on

Just for show

Just so people aren't disappointed

You can live your whole life in the clouds, never thinking otherwise

See what good it does you




Please comment! I want to see your comments/ questions! If you're not already, follow me! I need more readers! Four is a little pathetic... (No offense.) ^___^ Good evening, everyone.

Rain-- An Interior Monologue

I am a drop of rain-- just a drip, you could even say a droplet. It doesn't
really matter. Some might enjoy the rain (especially those who live in a place where rain is very scarce). Some might detest it, but no one ever has the slightest hunch as to what it must be like for us. Yes, yes, rain smells good and feels good (to those down on Earth), and it might even taste good to some, too. To me, however, raining down on to Earth has to be my biggest fear. Does anyone know how far it is from the safe walls of the clouds protecting me to the hard ground? It's a long fall, and no one ever asked me if I wanted to make the journey to my own death; it's just expected of me-- and for what? I fall down, maybe leave a mark on the asphalt for a few minutes, but then I'm forgotten.

Livabug

.....

This week just really had me thinking. About sex. Not in a perverted way, so stop thinking like that. ;-) But seriously, I see so many things on the news about sick, sick psychos abducting children and teenagers and turning them into prostitutes! I know, I know. Nothing new. It happens. But that doesn't make it okay! It's so terrible because sex is supposed to be something beautiful-- Something beautiful that brings two people closer together than ever before. And it's meant to create life as well. It's not meant to make money, stab people in the back, or abuse anyone. These nasty people are the ones who do nothing but contribute to make this world a hard place to live in.

What about you, what is something that really gets under your skin-- sickens you to the bone?I'm curious; leave me a comment! I started this blog to post what I think needs to be said, and to see what you guys have to say back!

Always on my mind...

The last thoughts of all my days
Are all revolved around you
And all my dreams
Somehow find their way back to you
So, in turn, when I wake
I think about the dreams I have dreamt
That were of you
I sometimes long for you to vacate my mind
But there's no one to escort you out
I myself wouldn't do it-- for I am much too busy
I could not-- for what else would I have to think about?
How could I think at ALL, if you were not there?
I need you in my thoughts
Or else I wouldn't have any. 

You make me apologize for my feelings
Try and make me feel bad for what I believe
Yet you tell me you're on my side
Well how can that be?

I'm like a sponge
Soaking up all the negativity, sadness, pain
You don't understand...
It IS me against the world

Don't pretend you know
You don't
Don't try and make me believe otherwise
You can't

The things I come to realize

This week has been interesting. I hope everyone had a good Labor Day vacation.

I suddenly feel like everyone is out of my life-- everyone I love and care about. Like my cousin, for example. She lives all the way in Minnesota, and I'm here in Arizona. Which, by the way, is miserable. I HATE the heat, and I can't stand to live here in the summer. If any of you are ever contemplating coming here during summertime (at least to Phoenix or Glendale), DON'T. Save yourself. Unless you like the feeling of being baked in an oven, of course. I sure don't. Anyway, I feel like my life isn't complete without her because no one else understands me.

But I do the funniest things in language arts 3-4 Honors. I hid under the teacher's desk, and then he sat down in his chair, and I just started laughing SO hard! It was HILARIOUS! But no one except for a select few people appreciate my humor. I'm just like, "Everyone's so mean to me!" Come on, guys. Take the stick out. You shouldn't be TOO serious in life-- no one makes it out alive anyway

Well, today marks the ninth anniversary of 9-11. So many people died on this day in 2001. I can't help but to think about the WAY they died. Several were burned alive, and several jumped to their death out of the building. I'm just thinking that both of those have to be the two WORST ways to die.

...Aaaaannd that brings me to my weekly question for YOU guys: what do YOU think the worst possible way(s) to die is/are?

Comment and follow me!
Livabug

There's certainly no one out there like me...

Well, as you may have noticed in my previous two posts, I like to write poetry. I love coming up with clever ways to take what I'm feeling, and make it... beautiful. And sometimes it's hard to wrap your head around, but my concepts are never too tricky.

I have a very different personality. I say whatever-the-hell pops into my head, and there's really no way around it. My attitude is, "Hey, I'm me. And I do what I want." But sometimes that gets me into trouble. With my parents, with my "friends", with my...enemies... So I decided I need an outlet. Someone I can vent to. And I choose... you guys! Or, rather, whoever decides to read this. I have never blogged before, so I'm very excited to be doing so now! I am very hopeful that I will have some activity on my page! I promise to keep things interesting...

I'm in sophomore in high school, and I find myself getting annoyed with people very easily. I have friends, but I'm not the most social person out there. And that's to say the least. Actually, I'm pretty antisocial. I'm more interested in just coming home and relaxing. I am not so upset with my classes this year-- I promised myself there would be no complaining about work. How's that working out? Not great. I like my classes, and I have people to talk to in every one of them-- some more than others, though. I don't like homework (I know, who does?), and that's what mainly colors my opinion of school. Why do the teachers find it necessary to give us school-- and then MORE SCHOOL to take home with us?! Don't get me wrong; I don't mind GOING to school every day. It's just the excessive amounts of crap I have to put up with that I would much rather NOT! Sigh... I am in advanced dance, which, I LOVE. I love being on time with the music and being synchronized with everyone in the class. It's beautiful. I am also in gymnastics, and that's amazing. It's been something I've been involved with my whole life. It makes me a part of who I am.

So, that's pretty much all I have to say today. When I have something else I feel the need to post, I will do so. But that leaves me with one question: What makes YOU a part of who YOU are? What are the things in your life that you think you wouldn't be yourself if you didn't have them? Next time I blog, I promise it will be more interesting. ;-) This was just kind of my introductory post. Did you guys like my poems? Leave me a comment! I promise to look at YOUR stuff and return the favor.

Bye for now,
Livabug

Out of the fire
Only to go back in
In a moment of fantasy
There I stand in the light of the angels
Happy thoughts
Happy thoughts
They last me until the oxygen reignites the flames
Golden sparkling embers
So intriguing
So familiar
But so achingly exhausting
Can somebody please close the window?

I picked up the most breath-taking stone
The most hypnotizing beauty
And I held onto it for dear life
For what seemed like forever
Day after day
Week after week
Month after month
Because it seemed very precious
Valuable
But after holding onto the same possession
And not doing anything with it
Or ever putting it down
Because you think you'll be rewarded
or that in the end it'll mean something
You start to grow tired
That's why when I reached the edge of the top of the mountain
I let the gem roll off my fingertips
And I watched it fall
Until it was out of my sight
I started to climb back down
And tried not to think about the absence I felt
But when I reached the ground
I realized that my most prized possession
Was now broken into pieces
Unattainable
And I wondered if I'd ever be whole again